i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
