I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize