Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
