As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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