i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
