just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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