i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
