my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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