You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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