What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
