I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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