Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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