everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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