Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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