I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
