If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
