Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
