Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
