Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god it's open bar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
