Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
