I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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