This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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