You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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