You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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