i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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