I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
