We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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