I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
