i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My feet surprised me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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