i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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I said "one day" and that day is not today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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