i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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