can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
