you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the liver wants what the liver wants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
