Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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