2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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