oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
