wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
