i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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