we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
