Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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