let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
