I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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