I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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