Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
