I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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