No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
