don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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