I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Let's paint friendship bongs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
