She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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