If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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