call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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