mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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