I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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