Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
