piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
