I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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