I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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