nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize