she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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