well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
