no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
