she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
