You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
