Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
