So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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