Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She even gives head with a lisp.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
