you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
