He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's great music for shaving your balls
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
