I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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