you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
