Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
