yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Welp...herpes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
