Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I smell like Dick and happiness
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