you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
