theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
