I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
