I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
