Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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